I am so sick of being tired, and oh so tired of being sick!

Today was the first day back from Easter break, and school hit with a vengeance. Not only do I have a sinus infection and am on antibiotics for it, I didn't sleep well last night, even on Niquil. I woke up this morning and looked out the window, and it was SNOWING! On April 11th. That is absolutely ridiculous. So, my mood was already not so good by the time I got up and going. However, Today was pretty good in general. I had a writing exercise in poetry today, which was actually pretty fun to tell the truth. The rest of the day was pretty much trying to stay dry and warm. Fish put his car in the ditch today, which, suffice to say, made me laugh. He has triple A, though, so he got out just fine. Sweet. That's really all I have done or had to say, I am going back to work now.

Home for now.

I have been home for a day now, and I have been thankful for the family that God has blessed me with. Strange, messed up, and at times very annoying, but my family nonetheless, and they love me no matter who I am or what I have done. This is an amazing thing. I have been getting back into reading the Scriptures more as of late, trying to piece together what God wants for me, because too many times things happen to me that hurt, and rather than turning to God I turn to other things that (I think) are better, like music or cigarettes, which is crap. God help me, I need to make you first in my life right now. No girl, band, cigarette, or any book written by C.S. Lewis, for that matter, is going to fulfill me the way that you can and will. Please forgive my insecurities, my imperfections, and the fact that I can't fully trust you or take you as seriously as I should. Erin warned me about asking you to break me, because you are. Help me to grow from this, help me to come out of this with scars rather than wounds that never heal. Help me to learn, to forgive, to forget, to quit, to rely on you. Thank you, my Father, for being a God of patience.

Lord Help me.

We are no longer an "us". It's your will, but we don't know why. We obeyed you, through tears, through confusion. Please show me what to do, because I am so lost, so distracted, and I am far too busy to be grieving...