Today.

There is such a freedom in driving down the highway.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.

I've been doing a lot of praying lately.

God is good.

Even though I don't know where he is right now.

It's a hot weekend.

I'm back in Kewaunee for the weekend, and I'm sorry I haven't written in a long time, for anyone who reads. I've been working up at Lake Lundgren for about a month now, and we don't have access to blogging or myspace or anything like that, so my apologies. It's good to be back in town, but the parents aren't home, so it's too bad I didn't get to see them. Today I slept in until 11, which felt really good. It's good to be lazy, but this next week I have a cabin of little guys again, so that will be draining. Life's been pretty busy, but at the same time sort of slow. It happens that way when you live in the Lake Lundgren bubble. I love that place, but it's kind of frustrating that I don't really know what's going on, and a lot of what I think about at camp doesn't really matter when it comes down to the real world (like chapel starting on time, or the issue of what night games to play, etc). It's just tiresome worrying about program stuff over and over again. On a more pointless note, I checked out the transformers movie last night, and that pretty much made my week. I am a big fan of the series, and the movie was great as well. I'm going to finish my afternoon with laundry, then probably skate at the barn tonight. some thoughts:

I like owning a car.

...Jones cream soda will be sporting some of my photography come the end of the summer, count on it...

...Kansas and Less than Jake have been stuck in my head...

I shaved, and it looks really weird.

I'm addicted to Stephen King right now.

Small town weekend.

This weekend was pretty good, but I was expecting it to be. Lindsey was up, so we got to hang out and do the things that we like to do. We watched some movies, went to Door County, skipped rocks, walked on the beach (cliche, I know.), listened to music, laughed, played Frisbee, sat around, went skateboarding. It was really nice.

That's pretty much what I have to say about that.

On another note, I am leaving Thursday for the booming metropolis that is Pembine, Wisconsin, to work at Lake Lundgren Bible Camp again. I'm really excited, but at the same time, I'm kind of

NERVOUS.

I don't really know why, but it's kind of a feeling of uncertainty, that I don't know how this summer is going to go. I'm anticipating how this summer is going to surprise me. I dunno, I have been really thinking about the future lately, and although I have so much to look forward to, I am scared to look forward to it. Why?

....Well, I will tell you...

I don't want to become one of those people that are just obsessed with the future, waiting for it to come, and can never enjoy the present. Know what I mean? I guess that's it.

Oh, and you all need to go listen to Dntel. Thanks to Stephen for showing me. It's brilliant.

Life is pretty rad.

Well, it has been super long since I have actually written anything on here, but heck, I guess I'm not that devoted. I get those streaks every once and a while where I am going to be a ######## awesome blogger, but then I remember that life happens, and I forget for a long time. But now I am back, I can't say for how long, and I can't give any promises to how much I will be writing in this, but I can say one thing for sure: Life is pretty awesome...

Not because I have a perfect life...

Not because I am a super human...

Not because I can fly (that would be cool, though)...

...But because I am living...

I have a girlfriend. She's awesome, and new, and I'm doing my best to try and understand what she says, where she's coming from, and how I can be awesome for her as well. She's great, we laugh, we do random things, we (try to) watch movies, she lets me act like a moron, we speak our minds, we pray together, we pray for each other, we go out. It's pretty cool, but at the same time, it's hard.

I have friends. They're awesome, some new, some old, and I'm trying my best to be a good friend. We get separated, we lose touch, we have fun, we act stupid, we drive together, we work together, we write to each other, we laugh at each other, we prank each other, we eat together. It's pretty awesome, but at the same time, it's hard. Really hard. People get mad at each other, and sick of each other, or disappointed in each other. But the cool thing is, that's natural. It's probably the best time of my life when I accidentally treat someone unfairly and they accept my apology, and we learn from the mistake and move on. I like it.

I have a family. They're awesome, some different than me, others the same, others misunderstood. We see each other's best, each other's worst, we fight, we laugh, we cry, we live together, we go shopping, we eat together, we yell at each other, we poke fun at each other, we pray with and for each other, and we love each other. I get so frustrated with all of them at times, but I am so glad that I have them. Without them I would not be who I am today, because of them I have a better understanding of what love is.

I have a job. In fact, two jobs. They're pretty awesome, each very different yet equally enjoyable. I flip burgers, I check beds, I pray for kids, I swim, I scoop custard, I laugh, I listen to music, I deal with customers, I deal with campers, I teach God's word to my kids, I play games, I prank my fellow employees, I worship, I live. I am so grateful that God has blessed me with these two places to go, that I can earn money while at the same time make friends and interact with people, as well as advance the Kingdom of God.

I have a car, a great computer, an iPod, clothes to wear, new shoes, a skateboard, a snowboard, three guitars, a drumset, a cell phone, speakers, and more. I have a ton of "stuff". Stuff that I don't deserve, but I have it. God has blessed me so much in this area. I am lacking in absolutely no area in my life. I have plenty of food to eat (a little too much, in fact), I have more clothes than I can wear, and extra stuff that I don't use, but I would NEVER give it away. What's wrong with this picture?

You know what I don't have?

A good relationship with my Lord and Savior.

I want that really really bad.


Thank you, God, for blessing me with all of these things. Thank you for being present in my life even when I don't spend enough time with you or seem to care. Please be patient with me as I find more time to spend with you, and when I screw up time and time again. Thank you for your grace, patience, love, and forgiveness thus far. Let my life glorify you.


Amen

P.S. And thanks for Coldplay. They rock.

I am so sick of being tired, and oh so tired of being sick!

Today was the first day back from Easter break, and school hit with a vengeance. Not only do I have a sinus infection and am on antibiotics for it, I didn't sleep well last night, even on Niquil. I woke up this morning and looked out the window, and it was SNOWING! On April 11th. That is absolutely ridiculous. So, my mood was already not so good by the time I got up and going. However, Today was pretty good in general. I had a writing exercise in poetry today, which was actually pretty fun to tell the truth. The rest of the day was pretty much trying to stay dry and warm. Fish put his car in the ditch today, which, suffice to say, made me laugh. He has triple A, though, so he got out just fine. Sweet. That's really all I have done or had to say, I am going back to work now.

Home for now.

I have been home for a day now, and I have been thankful for the family that God has blessed me with. Strange, messed up, and at times very annoying, but my family nonetheless, and they love me no matter who I am or what I have done. This is an amazing thing. I have been getting back into reading the Scriptures more as of late, trying to piece together what God wants for me, because too many times things happen to me that hurt, and rather than turning to God I turn to other things that (I think) are better, like music or cigarettes, which is crap. God help me, I need to make you first in my life right now. No girl, band, cigarette, or any book written by C.S. Lewis, for that matter, is going to fulfill me the way that you can and will. Please forgive my insecurities, my imperfections, and the fact that I can't fully trust you or take you as seriously as I should. Erin warned me about asking you to break me, because you are. Help me to grow from this, help me to come out of this with scars rather than wounds that never heal. Help me to learn, to forgive, to forget, to quit, to rely on you. Thank you, my Father, for being a God of patience.

Lord Help me.

We are no longer an "us". It's your will, but we don't know why. We obeyed you, through tears, through confusion. Please show me what to do, because I am so lost, so distracted, and I am far too busy to be grieving...