I am so sick of being tired, and oh so tired of being sick!

Today was the first day back from Easter break, and school hit with a vengeance. Not only do I have a sinus infection and am on antibiotics for it, I didn't sleep well last night, even on Niquil. I woke up this morning and looked out the window, and it was SNOWING! On April 11th. That is absolutely ridiculous. So, my mood was already not so good by the time I got up and going. However, Today was pretty good in general. I had a writing exercise in poetry today, which was actually pretty fun to tell the truth. The rest of the day was pretty much trying to stay dry and warm. Fish put his car in the ditch today, which, suffice to say, made me laugh. He has triple A, though, so he got out just fine. Sweet. That's really all I have done or had to say, I am going back to work now.

Home for now.

I have been home for a day now, and I have been thankful for the family that God has blessed me with. Strange, messed up, and at times very annoying, but my family nonetheless, and they love me no matter who I am or what I have done. This is an amazing thing. I have been getting back into reading the Scriptures more as of late, trying to piece together what God wants for me, because too many times things happen to me that hurt, and rather than turning to God I turn to other things that (I think) are better, like music or cigarettes, which is crap. God help me, I need to make you first in my life right now. No girl, band, cigarette, or any book written by C.S. Lewis, for that matter, is going to fulfill me the way that you can and will. Please forgive my insecurities, my imperfections, and the fact that I can't fully trust you or take you as seriously as I should. Erin warned me about asking you to break me, because you are. Help me to grow from this, help me to come out of this with scars rather than wounds that never heal. Help me to learn, to forgive, to forget, to quit, to rely on you. Thank you, my Father, for being a God of patience.

Lord Help me.

We are no longer an "us". It's your will, but we don't know why. We obeyed you, through tears, through confusion. Please show me what to do, because I am so lost, so distracted, and I am far too busy to be grieving...

whoohoo!

The day after a good day, with a stupid conversation.

Yesterday was a pretty great day, I didn't go to many of my classes. I know, that's bad, right? I don't think so. It was just one of those days where I needed a break from the mundane, and it was really good to just hang out and have a carefree day. Last night a bunch of us (i.e. Ezra, Matt, Michael, Joel, Andrea, Hannah, Jo, David, and I) went go carting at the "Enchanted Castle", which was pretty lame, but really fun because it was a group of 9 college students going go carting in this small indoor park, and Ezra, the crazy pacific islander, was smashing into other drivers. It was really funny to watch, since we had to split into two groups. Andrea was first, and ended up being last, because she wasn't that great at driving. It was a good time, though. After that, we played some mini golf, during which I was the only person to hit my golf ball into the water hazard. Although this sound bad, I wasn't the worst player. Then we headed to Wheaton and had ice cream at the Seven Dwarfs restaurant, which was pretty good. I gave Nate a call but he was in musical rehearsal until 11:30, so we didn't get to hang out. We drove back to school, and Ezra, Matt, Andrea and I went for a drive to Highland Park to hang out and smoke a cigar. We ended up hanging out there until about 2 am, just talking about stuff. Afterwards, when we got back to Trinity, we prayed together, which was really good. Then I slept until about 12:30 today. I got online, and I had a conversation with Drew, the guy who draws the comics at www.toothpastefordinner.com. It was going well, and he was asking me a lot of questions, and then I asked him a few, and he said "its a bummer answering a bunch of personal questions, I'll see you later." and he signed off. What a lamewad.

Something you definitely need to do.

Hello everyone, here is something that you need to do. get those little fingers moving and type www.youtube.com into your browser, and search for the user: drewtoothpaste. Watch all the videos, and your life will be better. Plain and simple. Drew is hilarious, and probably one of the funniest people alive. Do yourself a favor and go there.

we're off to the races again.

I signed my contract for dp3 next year. I will be leading our floor bible study and be the spiritual leader for the floor. Looks like I have a lot of maturing to do. I know that God's power is made perfect in our own weakness, but a lot of times I think that if I try REALLY hard, and work at it I can become a super Christian, which (by the way), is not really possible. Oh well, it was worth a shot. I guess I am still going to have to rely on God's grace and mercy, and cope with the fact that I screw up way more than I ever want to admit. God is such a curious being, I am always bewildered at his mercy, grace, and forgiveness, and completely amazed that He continues to bless me day in and day out, when many times I don't stop to even give him the time of day. Not that he needs the time, anyway. After all, he DID create it. Not to mention it doesn't really apply to Him, but that is just getting into a whole other confusing topic, so I am going to stick to loving Him in the confusing times, holding onto Him in the tough times, and strive to humble myself before Him and seek His face at ALL times. It's going to be hard, but so worth it. You should give it a try. If you are having a hard time with it, give me a call, I would be glad to pray with you. Not because I could give you advice, but because I am working on pursuing God as well. We're both in this together.