tired.

I've been having a really crazy, extra difficult week. There has been a lot of work, there have been a lot of late nights, and there have been quite a few discussions with several people about where I am at in life. I've realized lately that I have been unsure about a lot of things:

I've been really unsure about school. I received an email from my aunt discussing the cost of school, and whether or not I can continue at Judson. If that's true, I don't know where I would go, or what I would do. It's frustrating.

I've been really unsure about music, and how I'm supposed to be using it for the Lord. I love to play, I love to sing, I can write music, I can play other people's music, I can lead worship, I can be in my own band, I could even write my own music. But none of that is really working right now, and it's frustrating.

I've been unsure about my faith, and I believe that this is the real root of the problem. Not because I think that I'm about to deny my faith, or anything to that extreme, but I've just been discouraged. I haven't been in the Word, my prayer life is somewhat non existent, but I think that even though I ignore God, I should still be feeling good. That makes no sense at all. I can do nothing apart from Him. That includes my relationship with Grace, school, Starbucks, my family, art, music, everything. If I'm not giving Jesus the time of day, I'm going to be pretty jacked up. I've found this out rather quickly.

Regardless, it's now the weekend. I have a ton of work to do, but it's the weekend. I can (maybe) sleep in tomorrow morning, but I work tonight and tomorrow night, after a two week period of not working at Starbucks at all. I hope I don't suck too much, and I hope that everything goes well with that.

I have a design project to finish, along with a three point perspective drawing to do for Prof. Cory. I also have to get on it and start reading for my history of art class as well as Archetypes of Western lit.

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oh, school.

today.

so our band still has no idea what we're doing. We had a discussion about sound the other day, and recorded a folkish sounding song. It sounded pretty good. However, I really want us to find a sound that is fun to play, that we all connect to as artists, and that can really translate live. I also want all of us to be onboard with it, so that things don't get going a lot and then fall by the wayside. I really know I'm supposed to do something with music, but really don't know yet. I hope I figure stuff out soon.

Class all day today. I'm currently in digital tools, learning about photoshop. Actually, we're going over stuff that I already know. so it's really boring. Grace is shooting at a martial arts place at the moment, I think.

Got more info for the graphic design stuff for Harris and the moods. I'm excited to get that underway. Graphic design work is way the heck more fun when it's not for class.

Grace and I have been hanging out more lately, which is a ton of fun. I really wish we could hang out more, but, with out schedules, we don't always see each other that much, which is really too bad.

birthday.

today is my birthday, and I am so far behind on all my work its not even funny. I just finished a project today for 3D design that was due on monday, and I'm approaching two weeks late on another assignment, so that's no good. It's a drawing where I make up texture for something, and I really just need to hurry up and do that as fast as I can. errg...

Grace, Rob, Eric and I are going to Anathallo tonight in Naperville. We're meeting up with Sarah and Matt there, which should be a good time.

I got to open presents this morning, which was awesome. Grace got me wind in the willows and this really awesome and nerdy shirt from threadless: http://www.threadless.com/product/1462/The_Sound_of_Colour

It's amazing. Right now I have to go to class, and then I sit around some more. Cool.

sick of february

It's been a while, and for that I apologize. Things have been busy lately. I've been doing a lot of schoolwork lately, and, to my dismay, have not finished all that I had set out to accomplish on time. It's very frustrating to work so hard on something to come up short in the end.

School is, in general, going well. I get frustrated, though, just because Three Dimensional design is so difficult. I think that I'm getting better, though. I at least raised my last test and sketchbook grade, which is encouraging. Drawing is going well, but I currently have no idea where my drawing paper is. I need to find this soon, stuff is due at one.

Music has been fun, although Professor Cory tells me that I need to just let go of some music for now to focus on school for the next two months. That makes sense, I just don't want to give up music for two months, just because this is something that I am really passionate about, and that I want to do. So when I hear "just give it up for a few" I get pissed. Not at the suggestion, because I know it's a good one, and I should be following that, but at the idea of not being able to play. Our band is still thinking of a name, and that has actually been the hardest part so far. We'll figure it out, though.

Grace and I have been having a lot of fun together, and I really enjoy spending time with her. Last night we went to get coffee and we were making each other laugh. It was a good time.

Today the sun is shining, which makes me happy. We'll see how long that feeling lasts.